Define your limits.

The importance of setting boundaries is frequently talked about in early recovery. We learn to change the people, places, and things in our life in order to maintain our recovery. This was extremely important to me because if I did not hold to those boundaries, I may not be where I am at today. It was easy for me to not only set boundaries, but to also uphold them. Making a firm resolution is much simpler when your ass is on fire.

Now, fast forward a few years. What about when you need boundaries in place to maintain your happiness or peace among your home? What about when you need to set boundaries with your employer or your family? Where do you find the motivation to make these same resolutions?

The boundaries I have in place today play a big part in my “emotional sobriety”. Implementing boundaries lets me maintain healthy relationships, practice self-respect, and allows me to be free of fear, anger, or worry. They provide me with feelings of empowerment, and I have set a new standard for myself. Standing firm in my boundaries is my favorite form of self-preservation.

As a mom, we know that our decisions and lifestyle choices affect us as well as our children. If I don’t set boundaries with my employer, I may miss out on crucial time with my daughter. If I don’t set boundaries with my family, generational trauma may spill over onto her. Therefore, I believe that it is my duty to set and withhold boundaries for the both of us.

There are two types of boundaries that I focus on: internal and external. Internal boundaries are what we set for ourselves with our well-being in mind. External boundaries are what we set with others based upon what we will or will not tolerate. For me, both of these are difficult to navigate, but equally important.

Some examples of my internal boundaries are:

1. I will not spend money that I do not have.

2. I will make time to read my self-help book tonight.

3. I will not work over 40 hours this week.

Internal boundaries are difficult because you lack accountability but standing firm in these resolutions can change your entire outlook on life. This prevents burnout, negative thoughts, and helps you to truly enjoy your life.

Some examples of my external boundaries are:

1. I will not allow my employer to speak negatively towards me.

2. I will accept my fiancé working overtime.

3. I will not tolerate my family disrespecting me.

External boundaries are difficult because we cannot control how other people think, act, or feel. But what we can control is how we allow others to make us think, act, or feel.

When setting boundaries, be sure to define your limits. Create a “personal bill of rights” and always communicate effectively. Be precise and direct, and never be afraid to say NO. Remember, “No.” is a complete sentence. You were given the title of Mom, which means you are fully capable of making hard and firm decisions for the betterment of you and your child. Don’t doubt yourself mama!