For this child I have prayed.

I consider myself to be spiritual, not religious. Many people in recovery may know what I mean by this, but I want to explain. Religion is a specific set of organized beliefs and practices, whereas spirituality is more of an individual practice that allows you to develop personal beliefs. In early recovery, I was given the freedom to discover my own conception of a higher power. Through the recovery process, I built a beautiful relationship with a God of my own understanding.

I grew up in a household that believed in a specific God, and we went to a place of worship primarily on holidays. I was taught to pray when I needed help and to be thankful when things were going well. As I got older, I realized that many aspects of this religion did not sit right with me. Spirituality allows me to say, “This is what my beliefs are, and this is what they aren’t.” I can choose exactly what my relationship with a higher power will look like and how I can maintain conscious contact daily. Today, I communicate with my higher power in ways that most would consider non-traditional. I don’t visit a place of worship, rather I seek my higher power in all places. I keep my spiritual life simple. I trust my higher power, continue to grow spiritually, and help others as opportunities come.

When I was pregnant, the idea of religion vs. spirituality arose again as it pertains to my child. People said things like, “Will she be baptized?” or “This would be such a cute dress for church.” Fear set in as I thought about the societal influences that may be placed on my child and her beliefs. But that’s just it, her spiritual journey is her own. If she chooses to have a life stance of spirituality that doesn’t regard organized religion, that’s great. If she chooses to practice the beliefs of a specific organized religion, that’s wonderful. And if she doesn’t choose either, I’ll be just as happy.

As a parent, I believe my job is to encourage and walk alongside my child, not to dictate or control. I hope to give support to my daughter as she figures out what her path will look like and offer guidance along the way. The privilege to build upon my own spiritual views might have been the best thing to ever happen to me, and I want to give my child the same opportunity. For me, one of the most important aspects of spirituality is knowing that I don’t know. As a mom, the best thing I can do sometimes is admit that I just don’t know. This leaves room for my child to conceptualize things for herself without bias and encourages self-discovery. Who knows, maybe one day she will teach me new ways to grow spiritually. They do say that the realm of spirituality is broad, roomy, and all inclusive.

My daughter is still incredibly young, and the idea that she can envision her own spiritual path at this point just isn’t possible. For now, I will continue to pray for her health, happiness, and well-being, and know that my faith is sufficient for the both of us.