Just wait!

Throughout my pregnancy and even more so today, I am often told, “You just wait”. If I felt tired when I was pregnant, I was told “just wait until you have to get up all hours of the night, enjoy your sleep now.” If I was struggling to survive the newborn phase, I was told “just wait until they start crawling, you’ll have your hands full.” Still today, when I talk about my toddler in her stages of discovery, I am told “just wait for her terrible twos, this is nothing!” I have rarely experienced any positive or uplifting insight as to how to really enjoy each phase of my daughter’s development.

A year ago today, I was 3 months postpartum. I was completely crippled by my postpartum depression and anxiety, and I could hardly function other than to meet the basic needs for my daughter's well-being The only times I could pull myself out of bed were to make a bottle or change her diaper. There were days when I simply could not see past the next 24 hours. These feelings were very similar to my final days of drinking and using substances. All hope was gone, and I was surviving only because someone needed me. I remember wanting so badly to hear something from another mom to help me find my faith again. A simple “just wait, it gets better” would have done the trick.

Recovery taught me to continue doing the next right thing, no matter what. I learned that if I continued to do what was right in front of me, those 24 hours would go by, and I’d stay sober another day. I applied this same mentality to my early days of motherhood, and still have to from time to time.

If you’re a mom who is struggling to see past today, I am here to tell you that it gets better. So much better. You just wait!

You may not be able to see it right now but looking back, I can see how my higher power continued to carry me through those tough times. My life today is beyond anything I could have imagined for myself a short year ago. I have a wonderful career, I have found new hobbies and learned to love myself again, and I am in the process of buying a beautiful home for my family. These gifts are a direct result of my faith, a bit of persistence, and a wavering belief that it would get better.

As a mother, especially being in recovery, I believe that it is my duty to encourage and uplift other mothers who are still in this dark space. Most of us have been there, and what a difference it would make if we reached our hand back in a familiar altruistic way. We have to stop the fear mongering surrounding the different stages of motherhood. While it is important to share our stories and be vulnerable in doing so, it is equally vital that we share powerful and encouraging insight as to how we made it through.

We should aim to make statements like, “just wait, you’re going to love when she is a toddler, they love to snuggle with their moms at that age!” or “just wait, when she starts crawling, there will be so many activities you get to do with her!” We do this all while being open and honest about our struggles. This creates balance and provides other mothers with the ability to know they are not alone, no matter what side they stand on.

If I could go back to when I was 3 months postpartum, and know what I know now, I would take it all in. Every sleepless night, every shower I fought to take, and every time my daughter fell asleep on my chest while I laid surrounded by laundry. These are some of the most precious moments of motherhood that I missed out on, just waiting for it to get worse because of what someone told me.

We should relish in every second of being a mom. The good, the bad, and the “waiting for things to get better”. It always gets better. And as a collective, we can strive to be better for one another. You never know the impact that you may have on another mother. Speak words of truth and encouragement, uplift one another, and just wait for the many miracles you’re about to witness on this journey.