Mom bods ARE hot.

Birth is beautiful, empowering, and one of the most vigorous experiences I have been through. Meeting my daughter was the best day of my life, but as she was carried away to the NICU, I was left alone with my newly renovated body.

I vividly recall my first trip to the bathroom after my epidural wore off. It was painful, yes, but the hardest part was my brief encounter with the mirror. I almost didn’t recognize myself in that hospital gown and those silly underwear. My stomach was empty, but still so stretched. My skin had even begun losing its glow. I was completely disgusted with myself, and I cried.

Recovery had taught me to love myself. I truly loved the woman I had become, and up until that point, I loved who I saw in the mirror. So why, after giving birth did I instantly despise what I saw? Was it society that had told me I would “bounce back”? Was it an unrealistic expectation I had for myself? I still don’t know why I felt this way, but I do know that I never want another mom to feel that same way.

I suffered from postpartum depression for about 5 months, and in that time, I grieved the body I had pre-pregnancy, and the body I thought I wanted. It took a long time for me to want to look in the mirror again, and I still have many days where I want to hide in my sweatpants and big t-shirts. But today, I can often find gratitude for my body that far surpasses any negative feelings I have.

Society told me that stretchmarks are not attractive, but my baby was adorable. Society told me that I should bounce back after 6 weeks, but I should breastfeed for up to a year. Standards are constantly thrown around, and the reality is, if you’re a mom, it's okay to look like one. My body is a collection of life. During the peak of my substance use disorder, I put my body through a lot. I was careless, and years of what I was doing took a toll. Well, now I’ve had a child and continue to experience life in this same vessel. It always amazes me what a woman’s body can do.

My body is mine; it is a collection of every experience I’ve had, and I have fierce gratitude and respect for it. I don’t always love how it looks, but I absolutely adore what it has done for me. On days that I struggle, I think about my daughter. I aim to treat myself how I would treat my her. I know that for her to love herself, I must model self-love daily. So, when I look in the mirror I see a mom, and it doesn’t get any better than that. We all love dad bods, but nothing is more beautiful than giving birth!