The 12 days of Contentment.

The holidays are always something I’ve looked forward to. As a child, in my active addiction, and still today. Even when I was using substances, I couldn’t wait to see my mom and dad at Thanksgiving and Christmas. For those few hours, I could act as if everything was alright and soak up some unconditional love.

My first holiday season in recovery was nothing less than amazing. My parents came to the treatment center I was in and had a meal with me. I was able to enjoy their presence and really absorb our conversation. For the first time, I was fully present with my mom and dad. As simple as it seems, this built the foundation of our newfound relationship, and I will forever cherish that time.

Years have gone by since then and every year seems to get a little better. I can afford nicer gifts, host holidays at my home, and more of my family has welcomed me back. For 5 holiday seasons now, I have created lifelong memories with my friends and family, and I consider myself extremely lucky for the opportunity.

Above all, becoming a mom has been the best gift. I can hardly put into words the way I feel as we carry on these many traditions with our daughter. Not only do I get to be Santa, bake cookies, and watch all the classic movies, but I get to watch my daughter experience the same childlike awe and wonder I once had. She is still young, but there is so much to look forward to. If I stay in recovery, I get to show up and fully experience the beauty of the holiday season through her.

My daughter is loved by so many friends and family members, and what a wonderful opportunity it is to share these holidays with them as well. Recovery has given me the ability to create deep, meaningful relationships with lots of people. I am eternally grateful for the chance to make amends by showing up and allowing people to love on my child.

For years, I was unable to feel contentment. I was constantly seeking more love, attention, or silly gifts. Today, I couldn’t possibly ask for more. My favorite things about being a mom are the joy, the love, and the purpose. These are especially evident during the holidays, and I pray that I continue to relish in every moment for years to come.

We are quick to get caught up in the whirlwind of shopping, cooking, and capturing that perfect photo. I urge every mom to sit back, drink your coffee while it's still hot, and savor in these moments. The holidays only come once a year!