Time is not a thief.

The concept of time is something I will never fully be able to grasp. Time is a social construct defined as the indefinite continued progress of existence. Time is extremely broad and complex, so that would explain the value behind it.

A lot of us have experienced time in different avenues. Some know about our time battling substance use disorder. We would wake up and go into survival mode for the next 24 hours, dreading our existence. Some of us know about time throughout our recovery process. Whether we are counting our first 30 days without a substance, or we’re living life on life’s terms. And some of us know about time in motherhood, and what a concept that is. All these times have been extremely impactful on my life, no more than the other, but I can’t help but notice how vastly different they felt to me. In my last days of using substances, I remember how every second was simply unbearable. I woke up every morning sentenced to another 24 hours. I lived this way for a couple years, and every day seemed to get a little bit longer.

On the other hand, in early recovery and even today, the passage of time seems to accelerate. My first 6 months in recovery were rocky of course, but the days were tolerable. And after some time, I started looking forward to another 24 hours. At about 4 years in recovery, I started to see just how quick my life was passing by, as well as how much I was missing out on. I then found myself authentically practicing being present in each moment. This is much easier said than done, and I am no professional. I do find that when I focus on being present, I am able to find pleasure in my life and my recovery. I can romanticize my life and find happiness in my day to day. Recovery has taught me to extend my moments of joy and truly savor them. As a mother, the actions of gratitude and mindfulness have to continuously flow through me, or I might miss something.

My daughter just turned a year old, and what a year it has been. I felt every emotion you could think of this past year, and I frequently reflect on each moment. I think of the day she was born and the undying joy I felt the first time I held her. The frustration I felt as she woke every hour through the night. The feeling of sadness as she wanted to play with her toys rather than cuddle with her mom. The fear that kicked in when she learned to crawl from room to room. And most of all, the longing to spend just one more day with her when I had to go back to work. I never imagined I would get sober, and I especially didn’t think I would be a mom. But here I am. You hear that the days are long, and the years are short, but this doesn’t describe what it is honestly like when you’re actively living in those days and years.

I do not regret the past and certainly don’t wish to shut the door on it, but there are times that I wish I could experience life’s moments one more time. As a person in long term recovery, and a mom to a young child, I encourage everyone to slow down. You will get a job, you will find a place to live, and I promise you will get to live life on life’s terms. The laundry will get done, and so will those dishes.

Spend a few more minutes with your baby before bed, I guarantee you won't regret it. Trust the process of your own recovery by rejoicing in where you are today. I still don’t understand the concept of time, but I do know that it is not a thief. Time is the giver of life's precious moments, and for that I forever appreciative.